Ieri, Oggi, Domani....

And so it was that Silvana left The Satyricon in a cloud of South American Rainstorm, drenching Giovanna Sahara and making her sandstorm mud. . .Silvana of course, will continue to defend the rights of staff to fair pay and pleasant, clean, organised working environments because that is the least that is required of all employers everywhere.

The right to tip fairly and for customers to be able to choose (instead of being mislead into believing they are tipping our friendly staff by writing 'gratuity' instead of 'optional service charge') is not a luxury for staff in this industry. It is a right and it what customers expect. Asking staff to lie to customers, not mention the service charge so that the company can accrue profit to open further venues whilst the customer believes that they are leaving a tip for a hard working waitress/waiter is wrong and will eventually found out to be so. If 12% service is stated CLEARLY on the bill the customer is aware that the service charge does not go to the server.

Taking the choice away from the customer, operating no tronc system and asking the staff to lie about service charge are all examples of a greater malaise.

Living off the profit of others hard work to profit oneself will only result in deep and abiding circles of greed and discontent.

Live fairly, do right by the people who work for you and treat them with respect and then they will respect you. This is all we ask.

Signing out from The Satyricon and thank those who have supported her with love and loyalty.
Silvana Mangnano

TRUE COLORS AT THE SATYRICON DINER

LIke an explosion this month has been showing the TRUE COLORS of the  people working at the Satyricon Diner. 

 A few  have left, more will leave soon....  if theres any justice in the world  it was all written before and if there is a little bit of justice in this world, things they only set to get better for those who truly have a good soul, and they unfamiliar with lies and nasty speculations.

So what really happened???

B-Blondie left for a better life, full of joy love and trips around the world. India is calling here and we all wish her the best time, we will miss you dearly!!!

Minelli she is off USA Washington DC yeaaaaaaaa, and even if i know deep deep she will miss London greatly, i also know she will fit perfectly  coz her charms and savoir fair and beauty she will conquer the AMERICANOS hearts... 

Silvana Mangano, she decided to leave coz discrepancy over this bloody service charge issue. It seems that it was more a dodgy "invention" of our so quite surprising GM to go, Giovanna SAhara that she started the operation DEsert STorm, long time ago, but as a final result, she has to retreat, as unofficial sources has to lead her to live in the more confine space of the east london diner...

I witness myself  meetings in which the service charge topic was openly discussed, and everyone agree, Giovanna Sahara herself,  in what was to say and to do when asked by customers where these money where actually going. What really i founded quite disturbing the accusations towards Silvana, thanx who by the way, the staff has been having a better quality of work, and the Satyricon has been looking cleaner and more welcoming and organize then before.

My personal disappointment is for all those working in the Satyricon that they don't care about anyone  or anything, they are  only interested in having a good time without taking responsibilities and without respecting the fellow workers, and this was brought to light in this last incredible conjecture where the TRUE COLORS of some of you came out clearly, at least to me, showing no support for who REALLY made your life easier and tried to make you more happier in your work space, benefit of lots of things that before we never heard of...

But at the end of the day when your GM is the first been so sluggish and dismissive, who can you blame here... 

Anyway is all good what is finishing good,B- Blondie in India, Minelli in Usa, Silvana in the most exclusive restaurant of the world, and Giovanna... in east london. 

ps the Karma has such a fantastic way to work sometimes..   xoxo

 

MORE RESTAURANTS EXPSED FOR THEIR TIPPING PRACTICES!!!!!!!

More restaurants exposed for their tipping practices

By Martin Hickman, Andrew Grice and Simon Usborne

Friday, 18 July 2008

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One of Britain's fastest-expanding restaurant groups fails to pass on all tips left by customers to staff at two of its chains, The Independent has discovered.

As the campaign for fair tipping gathered fresh political support, Clapham House Group confirmed that staff at Tootsies and the Real Greek received only a "proportion" of the 12.5 per cent service charge automatically added to bills.

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• Conran staff basic pay is less than £2 per hour
• European MPs join campaign for fair tipping policy
• Protesters confront diners at London restaurant
• Fair tips, fair pay: Now the waiters bite back...
• Tipping: top chefs turn up the heat
• Mark Hix: 'Why I've joined The Independent's campaign for fairer tipping'

The company would not disclose how much staff received from the "optional service charge". At its biggest chain, Gourmet Burger Kitchen, there is no service charge because the food is served over the counter. At chains where there is table service, Tootsies and the Real Greek, serving staff are allowed to keep cash tips in line with the practice of most restaurants.

"Waiting staff do receive a proportion of the service charge," said a spokeswoman for Clapham House, which had annual sales of £60m last year. "The remainder is used in a variety of ways, including the funding of staff bonuses, staff welfare and very competitive salaries."

She added: "Clapham House are about to introduce a pilot scheme in one restaurant where customers will only be able to leave a cash tip for the staff. We will examine whether customers and staff prefer this approach."

The company, which owns 25 Tootsies and six Real Greeks, said it did not dip into tips to top up salaries to the minimum wage.

As The Independent reported this week, several chains, including Strada, Café Rouge and Caffè Uno, pay less than the minimum wage and use money from the service charge to reach the legal minimum. Two chains operated by Gondola Holdings, the country's biggest restaurant operator, Zizzi and Ask, also use a portion of the gratuities added by customers on credit and debit cards to pay the minimum wage.

Yesterday pressure mounted in Parliament for the Government to outlaw unfair tipping practices. The Liberal Democrats tabled an amendment to a Commons Bill aimed at stopping restaurateurs from diverting money from tips to top up wages to the minimum. Sarah Teather, the party's spokeswoman on business and enterprise, said that the amendment to the Employment Bill would close the legal loophole, if passed.

MPs from all parties have signed a Commons motion calling on the Government to change the law to ensure that waiters receive all tips in addition to the minimum wage. The motion has been signed by 40 MPs: 25 Labour, seven Liberal Democrats, four Tories and three from other parties. It backs The Independent's campaign, which began on Tuesday and which yesterday won support from the television chefs Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall.

Jamie Oliver's Fifteen chain ensures that frontline staff receive all cash tips and service charges. In a statement, the Fifteen Foundation said: "Each restaurant at Fifteen has its own pool for credit card tips and an additional payment made into the fortnightly pay. This is calculated fairly based on the number of hours worked over that two-week period. No money is withheld by management."

Gordon Ramsay Holdings, which operates the chef's Michelin-starred establishments, passes on all its 12.5 per cent service charge to restaurant staff, after the deduction of a small credit card charge.

"Gordon Ramsay Holdings are happy to back your campaign," a spokeswoman said.

Fearnley-Whittingstall said any tipping at his River Cottage Canteen in Axminster, Devon, was discretionary. "Whether the tip is cash or on a credit card, it is split equally among the waiting staff and kitchen porters and is additional to their salary," his spokeswoman said. She remarked: "This is a subject and campaign we feel strongly about and are keen to have the opportunity to support."

The National Consumer Council urged individual restaurants to display their tipping policies. Philip Cullum, acting chief executive of the publicly-funded organisation, believed that many diners would be "shocked" by the current practices of the £37bn-a-year restaurant business.

He said: "The National Consumer Council wholeheartedly supports The Independent's campaign to make tipping fairer for both diners and employees.

"Customers give tips to recognise and reward good service, and many would be shocked to learn of leading restaurant chains profiting by abusing this system. Where the full amount of the tip is not going to the waiting staff, this should be made crystal clear to customers on both the menu and the bill."

To have your say and comment on issues relating to our campaign, visitindependent.co.uk/tipping. To comment on a specific case, please send an email, in strict confidence, to features@independent.co.uk, making sure to put 'tipping' in the subject field.

OUr beloved Lazzaro and the new Hair STyle

If there is a member of the Satyricon that set  a trend and a new standard of how to look cool, that must be Lazzaro. Last week has been really coming out with a strong avant garde image. THe cool stuff is the way he is just naturally blend with the rest . we love you deeply. amazing.

She seems a very devoted woman....

....and she is devoted to various men some of them less famous then others but always of a certain high organic quality....

SleepING bEAuty

running out of peanut butter can be annoying as u have to go upstairs in the stock room...

well that day i was delighted to see our chef Lucas having a nap on the fridge to cool down from the heat of this hot and sweaty summer.... 

i did menage to get up there a couple of times more just to make my day hotter and hotter...

PARTY PARTY PARTY .. ... WHEN THINGS GET OUT OF HANDS..

we all love  to party dearly and each of us in our personal way..... I just think we should be more in CONTROL ...ERMMMMMMMM   is becoming boring and irritating ....as ur abuse influence others people life ...  

SAHARA & SANDSTORM

This is a real proof that even in the driest location in our Planet...there is hope...

..and this is when the dryeness can reach catastrophic proportions....

DRINK WATER PLEASE ...

LAST MONTH UPDATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Our head chef came out with this new delicious dish when asked a Cheese and Tomato Toast...  this is a carb free version.... W BRAZIL!!!

Miss B went to S.Tropez with her boy, but she felt really sick and we all got a bit worried ... but at the end she is now feeling better. i think she should get the appendicitis off.... NOW!!!

Our party Girl has a new love .... i haven't seen him but i trust her sexy taste ....

I wish all my best and love to PaRTY Girl !!! we love you xx

OUr PIN Up Before Ibisa ..

Someone already went to the magic island for a week end of pleasure... music wine and sex...

...and who if our super Silvana and his entourage of hot latinos?????  The Peache and Rocket Missile ...something that u will get more familiar with.....

Ibisa

Lavinia is retiring to the white isle this weekend for a quiet weekend of decadence, delight and a different set of morals, which only apply in Ibisa, where everyone is a friend, a comrade in arms or a potential lover.

Those who do not matter are left behind and my soul will be cleansed of the winters dark inflections.

Viva Ibisa!

STAFF MEETING .. THE CREW..

Some of the gorg people working in the Satyricon gathering together under the sun on the roof for the monthly bloody meeting where Giovanna and Lavinia are rumbling things about how nicely  u have to suck customers to get some decent money for those one who can't be nominated.., some stupid asshole stealing fucking booze so now Giovanna has to share a room with Susan Boyle at the Priory.., and the amazing new way to calculate the holiday pay that is something... well... very very interesting.. 

This is it, pretty much... let's hope summer will be at least a good one..

PartyGirl.... waiting and waiting and waiting

Here our super PartyGirl that she is left with a cloth to polish the bloody tables, while THE BOY is probably tripping his head off somewhere in Camden..... 

...ooooohhhh  Kids.....  how amazing ..  :+))

Our Beloved Lourdes : from India with Love

From an E-mail...

hola mi amore.....
life here is bloody brilliant. (.....) We have started our excercise regime already. its up 6am, coffee, run the length of the beach, jump in the sea, swim back the length of the beach to where we started then out, and breakfast of fruit/porridge on the beach, healthy stuff etc.... then the days activities, whatever we've chosen to do that day, at 6pm, we do it all again, then dinner and early bed. Its amazin. We are detox-tastic right now sweetie. No booze, no fags, just health and hydaration. Jus water water and LOADSA water. We have been on a trek via Honda-scooter to a fort in the hills with views over the coastline to die for. We went to a national park & saw a wild boar & cobra snakes among other animals...Reindeer!!?? [shouldn't they be living in snow?] probably sweatin thier bollocks off, poor sods.(....) awh.........MONKEYS!!!! just sitting chilling on rocks at the end of the beach. They are sooooooooo cute. Not to mention i've fallen completely inlove with all the cows that wander around the towns and beaches. I feed them watermelon skins and bananas. they love it! They are now my best friends.(.....)

great big fat MWAH! X 

Spotted: B back from Barbados looking fierce ....

.....a modern tale of Cinderella seems to taking place in the Satyricon Diner ... it will be an happy ending too or just a flame of passion and lust, burning fast to the end...???

xoxo

Para Diego, mi amor

Mientras que la noche baja sobre Bahía, las estrellas suben fuera del mar y adornan el cielo como diamantes. El sentarse en la playa aquí en la oscuridad debe seguramente ser uno de los placeres más estimados de mi corazón de dolor. Milton Nascimento mandila de la estereofonia, en la pequeña casa achispada al lado de la playa que he llamado a casa y que bewitched me por años. El sol finalmente fija y me siento en la arena, sintiendo limpiada por la simplicidad de mi vida aquí. Duermo cuando soy cansado, como cuando tengo hambre y mi cuerpo procesado excesivo se adapta con el ritmo del mar y del calor perezoso. Mis vueltas de la piel de oro y en cama en la noche, respiro el aire limpio dulce de la sal del mar de las ventanas abiertas. Mi pelo agita y se encrespa como las ondas, enderezadas no más pero untamed y libera, y soy mismo. La casa se llena de bebidas espirituosas, pero las felices, no me frecuentan, me aman y acarician, porque cuando estoy aquí yo no sienten ningún rasgón para los que me han dejado detrás, porque él parece estar todo alrededor de mí. Llaman a mí y al susurro de los tiempos felices de profundo dentro de mi corazón con los ritmos más apacibles del intento cariñoso. Siguen la llamada de las encantadoras en la playa y llenan mi corazón de memoria agridulce. Sacudiendo de la arena que camino nuevamente dentro de la casa, encienda mis velas para la tarde y mienta en la cama por un momento. Las ondas se estrellan a lo largo de la playa y los pescadores ahora tiran de sus redes adentro. Caminaré pronto abajo a la orilla, tomaré una cesta, y regatearé para mi cena, los pescados regordetes con las frutas del mar y la magia. Los amigos vendrán esta noche reír y perseguir lejos las bebidas espirituosas pero las siento en las paredes y todo alrededor de la pequeña casa. Derriten y fluyen con el reflujo de las mareas y cojo susurros ocasionalmente, una frialdad en el balsámico, aire sospechado coco. Más adelante, dormiré de modo que pueda despertar temprano, hacer un ofrecimiento al mar y al Lemanja, la diosa de todo el que sea fértil y abundante, de modo que ella pueda llevar esta tristeza en mi corazón y bendecirme otra vez con amor. No el amor de un carioca en la playa, que no quiere no más que el gusto dulce de mi piel y deseo, solamente una quién inspirará, aceptar y proteger este corazón dañado los míos. No quiero un cuerpo para el solo más, he intentado eso y los brazos que no aman no están para mi corazón demasiado fácilmente contusionado. Para en esta cama antigua blanca he sabido el amor y la pasión similares cuyo las hojas yo sin aliento. Sé cuál es mirar en el corazón de otro y verdad del amor, para sentir que retroceso del amor dentro de mi vientre nueve meses más adelante, regordete con las horas de amor, pasiones emocionales. He tenido su vida dentro de mí, que entendía y amó el alcohol de mí. Era la madre de sus niños, creada con dulzor y nada pero amor. Y como dormito en la oscuridad, los soplos de la puerta se abren y siento la fuerza de su presencia. Me cogen entre los mundos, crujidos de un entarimado y miento inmóvil. Siento esos brazos alrededor de mí otra vez en mis sueños más estimados. Miento encrespado para arriba en mi lado y él miente deformación y trama detrás de mí, este alcohol cariñoso, apenas pues dormiríamos siempre interwined suavemente, cabiendo junto perfectamente como un rompecabezas intrincado. No oigo nada pero el suspiro del mar y yo queremos dar vuelta alrededor y mirar en sus ojos oscuros, pero sé para dar vuelta alrededor debo romper el encanto. Pues duermo yo lo oigo hablar palabras de amor en eso lengua enredada del inglés, del portugués y del español que era nuestros el propio y ningunos otros sabrían. Nuestras palabras, erótico, amor apasionado, encendidas con deseos puedo nunca olvidar, pero debo aprender dejar para ir. Para mí sé que su alcohol nunca quisiera que estuviera triste y que gritara la manera que hago la mayoría de las noches y está para él y solamente él que nunca he intentado ahogar mi dolor permanentemente. Duermo, despertando al sonido de voces amistosas. Lo van. La mañana siguiente voy a la orilla y tomo conmigo las ofrendas para el mar. Para traer amor y creatividad nuevamente dentro de mi vida, para traer a otro niño hermoso mi manera. Para saber felicidad otra vez al lado del mar, tranquilo y pacífico y dormir con los brazos cariñosos verdaderos alrededor de mí de nuevo, no los de un estimado fantasma que intenta solamente confortarme. Sé que él quiere esto para mí, apenas tanto como sé que cuando viene el tiempo, él me esperará en la encrucijada apenas como él me dejó. Tan un día pronto volveré a esta casa achispada al lado del mar y las bebidas espirituosas no susurrarán a mí más de largo, porque traeré nuevas vida y felicidad a este pequeño hogar y aquí, yo saben, un día que sentiré retroceso de la vida dentro de mí otra vez con las bendiciones de Lemanja y de mis estimadas bebidas espirituosas salidas. Bahía, Bahía MI Coracon. 

Lavinia Agrees. . .

I completely agree with Andrea! 

Anyhow today Lavinia visited Tri-Yoga today and did a tough 2 hour class, she feels all the better for it too!

There were many of Andrea's brothers present at the yoga center, not only attending but teaching.

Viva La Maricon!

Lavinia is also embarking upon a healthy eating plan!

Lies and Lies and more Lies

Seems to me the disease is in the Satyricon, radicated in his foundations. Lies are around like children in the park playing loudly... as mother Trust left them to themselves with no regards whatsoever. 

It's sad when there is no Trust. 

Humans are able to create  subversives worlds full of tricks and mind games, to controls their fears and their insecurities. But nothing can do in front of Faith. 

And i am not talking of religious Faith. 

So when you have Faith in you, you have Love and if you have Love, Lies won't survive long.. Slowly they will die, and those facades that you create, they will crumble and nothing will remain.

Just bad memories, that eventually will fade and disappears.

So my dear friends please stop the disease, and start to look for some love in within yourself, and those 8 hours that you will have to spend in the Satyricon, they will be more special.

Lourdes Head Waitress

Super Lourdes never stop to surprise us.. even when under pressure, she is been pulling herself together and carry on on the path... " Lourdes, don't listen who wants you weak, who try to manipulate your soul and your work. Just be true to yourself and you will be fine".

THe dAy After ..

 

the Inquisition hit the two lady above with a warning.... OUCH !!! 

Giovanna and Lavinia enforce new laws in the SAtyricon....  

Lourdes 4ever, in your madness you show us the light

Lazzaro evil eye contact.....

Lavinia's blossom .....erm...

CHARING XSS STATION ANYONE???

The Beloved

Lavinia would just like to say that she is very thankful for the presence of the Beloved (aka Andrea) he makes her time at work (and out of!) a thing of pleasure and his soul is a beautiful, moisturised entity filled with waterfalls of loveliness. . .ti amo mi amigo!

Lourdes is missed!

The Beloved and I are certainly missing Lourdes! We have noted that her sweetness adds a pleasant aura at The Satyricon. . .come home soon Lourdes and be safe, we can't wait to whizz off to yoga with Lourdes with our mats and good cheer!

Afternoon thoughts

Lavinia Magnano is snuggling with El Gustappo, eating frosted coconut cake and is enjoying having her curls stroked tenderly. She has recently been chatting with The Beloved  or Andrea Maricon, she sends him Love and Light.

Lourdes and Katiusha off to India, Blondie off to Barbados ...

The two rock 'n roll babes have left UK off to find spiritual guidance in India....  (we hope)

B was flew Upper Class to Barbados by a mystery man...  very gossip girl...

xoxo

Fair tipping law 'won't cost waiters their job

Minister rejects claim that 45,000 restaurant workers face redundancy in shake-up

By Andrew Grice, Political Editor

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Changing the pay regulations for restaurant workers could cost the industry £450m, claims the British Hospitality Association

  

The restaurant trade's warning that 45,000 jobs could be lost when ministers outlaw the use of tips to top up the earnings of staff paid less than the minimum wage has been rejected by an official government study.

The review by the Department for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform (DBERR) is likely to pave the way for the practice to be made illegal in November. The government crackdown was promised last July following The Independent's "Fair Tips, Fair Pay" campaign but no date for implementing it has been set. The campaign uncovered evidence that some waiting staff were being paid as little as £3 an hour, as restaurants used tips and service charges to bring their wages up to the national minimum of £5.73 per hour.

The British Hospitality Association (BHA) asked the Government to delay the move because of the recession. A report it commissioned by the Centre for Economics and Business Research found that 45,000 jobs could be at risk as a result of the change in the law.

    

But this finding has been flatly contradicted by officials at the DBERR, who conducted their own review. They estimated the cost of bringing in the change at £92m, only 0.5 per cent of the wages bill of the companies affected, while the BHA put the cost at £450m.

Pat McFadden, the minister for Employment Relations, said yesterday: "We take costs to business seriously and have undertaken a robust analysis using the independent Office for National Statistics' annual survey of hours and earnings. Of course, some costs will rise for those businesses using tips to make up the national minimum wage, but the vast majority of businesses do not do this anyway."

He added: "Consumers support tips not being included in basic pay; after all, it is the public's money. Our estimates are significantly lower than the BHA has suggested. There is no evidence that having a decent floor on wages is detrimental to jobs in recent years."

The DBERR made no estimate of the number of likely job losses, but ministers recalled that warnings that between one and two million jobs could be lost if a minimum wage was introduced did not materialise.

The Government claims its estimate is more accurate than the restaurant industry's because it was based on a survey of 140,000 workers, a bigger sample than the BHA's survey of 40 companies. The BHA based its figures on a "pay gap" of £2 an hour between workers who received less than the legal minimum and relied on tips, while the DBERR calculated this figure at 90p an hour. The BHA estimated that 73,000 staff would be affected and the DBERR only 60,000. The civil servants also took account of figures from the Federation of Small Businesses that 96 per cent of workers do not depend on tips to reach the minimum because most companies in the hospitality sector are responsible employers.

The BHA, which is standing by its own figures, insists that it backs the change in the law and is working on a new code of practice to ensure more transparency over tips for customers. "In order to reduce the risk of job losses and business failures, the industry needs time to adjust its financial and operational models," it said.

USING TIPS TO MAKE UP MINIMUM WAGE TO BE OUTLAWED IN OCTOBER

Using tips to make up staff pay to minimum wage levels will be outlawed from October this year, it was announced today.

The Government said it will also be working towards greater transparency and clarity for consumers by introducing a new code of best practice for the hospitality industry.

The announcement is the Government’s response to a consultation on the use of tips, gratuities, service charges and cover charges in payment of the national minimum wage.

The Department for Business said a majority of businesses responding to the consultation backed the proposed changes.

Employment relations minister Pat McFadden said: “When people leave a tip for staff, in a restaurant or anywhere else, they have a right to know that it will not be used to make up the minimum wage. It is also important for employers to have a level playing field on wages.

To Be DRY or not To BE

This is what  happen if your inner soul is dry..  

It cracks..

Moisturize it often please, coz if u dry, that's what you will get from people. 

peace. 

Lazarus' Birthday Party and other strange and unexplained things. . .

Yesterday at The Saytricon Diner was very eventful. Andrea Maricon and Lavinia Magnano visited Tri-Yoga in Primrose Hill (bumping into Alastair and buddies outside the health food store) and experienced the joys of an intense yoga class. Andrea managed not to fart during the class and shame himself forever, but Lavinia did bump her feet and left with an odd pain in her arm, which is now added to the Satyricon's list of ailments (Kristal Tips sore ankles, Babushka Tatushka's inner earlobes, Alastair's fractured in three places feet, our dear Directress Giovanna's issues with casual sex) along with all the usual trials of life. A head waitress meeting was held on the terrace with Kristal Tips and Lourdes who will now be smacking the bottoms of any feeble members of staff. Easy Tigers, only use the rubber paddles at first. Actual hand contact could be intrusive. Terrace drinks were at 5pm held in honour of our beloved barman and waiter Lazarus (who rises from the dead each sunday to tend the bar) who arrived late for his own alcoholic resurrection at All Star Bowling Lanes in Brick Lane. We were joined by Princess Stardust in towering new heels and attire (praise be to the saints for student loans) her very own Luke Skywalker (ahhh young love) and other assorted members of team Satyricon, including Bubbles, Lourdes, our dear Directress Giovanna, Lavinia, Elles Bells and of course Babushka Tatushka who drank 3 pints of an unidentified pina colada. Praise be to the saints for Lavinia's dear friend Adam Breedon (owner of the All Star Bowling lanes) who bought us all a round of cocktails. Adam, you are a legend!

Much food was consumed, many drinks were drunk. 

Our Dear Directress Giovanna discovered that she cannot bowl to save her life and was beaten roundly and soundly by Lourdes, although Babushka Tastushka put up a brave fight. We all then retired to a drinking den where Lavinia and Kristal Tips took their leave.

Lavinia was a stop out and spent the latter part of the night exploring the finer points of the Kama Sutra with El Gustappo.

Babushka and the others invaded The Directress's lair for a night of no sleep, snogging (gay and straight) and the case of the Directress, too much fucking sleep. 

There has been carnage today as many have fallen by the wayside whilst SOME of us struggle keeping The Satyricon alive. 

Alastair was in for a coffee today, he apparently did some Splendid ordering. 

The ice cream arrived and The Directress carried 5 boxes at a time up the stairs. 

R.I.P Ketchup Dispenser

After the Immaculate Collection Situation was sent back to Heaven things went back to relative normality and Lourdes could begin to live life to the full once again. 

In the meantime we lost a treasured member of staff, who sat upon the pass, day after day, loved only by our Dearest Directress Giovanna. 

Yes, the fucking ketchup dispenser has finally been resigned to the dustbin after heated emails from Those Who Must Not Be Named. 

Our Directress tried to save the ketchup dispenser from certain death, but it was too late (Thanks be to all the saints) and the powers that be decreed that only fresh bottles of Heinz 57 Variety could grace our dainty vinyl tables. 

Our Beloved Lourdes and the Easter Miracle at The Satyricon

Easter began with a miracle for us in the first year of our Directress Giovanna's reign (Blessed may she be to all the Saints) at The Satyricon Diner in London. 

Our esteemed friend and colleague Lourdes discovered that she was with child, conceived during the Holy week of Christmas under forgotten circumstances. The Holy Spirit had clearly entered her womb during a evening of alcoholic excess and mystery. We were on hand as the drama unfolded over the months preceding Easter as Lourdes experiencing many symptoms of IBS, violent outbursts and a bloated belly. Never once did we expect that a child of God was growing inside her as we discussed various symptoms over coffee and spirits on table 34 (the much disputed high table next to the dumpstation, the dustbin and the coffee machine and the scene of many a debauched scenario ) as Lourdes swore to us of her purity over the last two years. So we scratched our heads and then on a Saturday afternoon the blow fell upon Lourdes. . .