To Be DRY or not To BE

This is what  happen if your inner soul is dry..  

It cracks..

Moisturize it often please, coz if u dry, that's what you will get from people. 

peace. 

Lazarus' Birthday Party and other strange and unexplained things. . .

Yesterday at The Saytricon Diner was very eventful. Andrea Maricon and Lavinia Magnano visited Tri-Yoga in Primrose Hill (bumping into Alastair and buddies outside the health food store) and experienced the joys of an intense yoga class. Andrea managed not to fart during the class and shame himself forever, but Lavinia did bump her feet and left with an odd pain in her arm, which is now added to the Satyricon's list of ailments (Kristal Tips sore ankles, Babushka Tatushka's inner earlobes, Alastair's fractured in three places feet, our dear Directress Giovanna's issues with casual sex) along with all the usual trials of life. A head waitress meeting was held on the terrace with Kristal Tips and Lourdes who will now be smacking the bottoms of any feeble members of staff. Easy Tigers, only use the rubber paddles at first. Actual hand contact could be intrusive. Terrace drinks were at 5pm held in honour of our beloved barman and waiter Lazarus (who rises from the dead each sunday to tend the bar) who arrived late for his own alcoholic resurrection at All Star Bowling Lanes in Brick Lane. We were joined by Princess Stardust in towering new heels and attire (praise be to the saints for student loans) her very own Luke Skywalker (ahhh young love) and other assorted members of team Satyricon, including Bubbles, Lourdes, our dear Directress Giovanna, Lavinia, Elles Bells and of course Babushka Tatushka who drank 3 pints of an unidentified pina colada. Praise be to the saints for Lavinia's dear friend Adam Breedon (owner of the All Star Bowling lanes) who bought us all a round of cocktails. Adam, you are a legend!

Much food was consumed, many drinks were drunk. 

Our Dear Directress Giovanna discovered that she cannot bowl to save her life and was beaten roundly and soundly by Lourdes, although Babushka Tastushka put up a brave fight. We all then retired to a drinking den where Lavinia and Kristal Tips took their leave.

Lavinia was a stop out and spent the latter part of the night exploring the finer points of the Kama Sutra with El Gustappo.

Babushka and the others invaded The Directress's lair for a night of no sleep, snogging (gay and straight) and the case of the Directress, too much fucking sleep. 

There has been carnage today as many have fallen by the wayside whilst SOME of us struggle keeping The Satyricon alive. 

Alastair was in for a coffee today, he apparently did some Splendid ordering. 

The ice cream arrived and The Directress carried 5 boxes at a time up the stairs. 

R.I.P Ketchup Dispenser

After the Immaculate Collection Situation was sent back to Heaven things went back to relative normality and Lourdes could begin to live life to the full once again. 

In the meantime we lost a treasured member of staff, who sat upon the pass, day after day, loved only by our Dearest Directress Giovanna. 

Yes, the fucking ketchup dispenser has finally been resigned to the dustbin after heated emails from Those Who Must Not Be Named. 

Our Directress tried to save the ketchup dispenser from certain death, but it was too late (Thanks be to all the saints) and the powers that be decreed that only fresh bottles of Heinz 57 Variety could grace our dainty vinyl tables. 

Our Beloved Lourdes and the Easter Miracle at The Satyricon

Easter began with a miracle for us in the first year of our Directress Giovanna's reign (Blessed may she be to all the Saints) at The Satyricon Diner in London. 

Our esteemed friend and colleague Lourdes discovered that she was with child, conceived during the Holy week of Christmas under forgotten circumstances. The Holy Spirit had clearly entered her womb during a evening of alcoholic excess and mystery. We were on hand as the drama unfolded over the months preceding Easter as Lourdes experiencing many symptoms of IBS, violent outbursts and a bloated belly. Never once did we expect that a child of God was growing inside her as we discussed various symptoms over coffee and spirits on table 34 (the much disputed high table next to the dumpstation, the dustbin and the coffee machine and the scene of many a debauched scenario ) as Lourdes swore to us of her purity over the last two years. So we scratched our heads and then on a Saturday afternoon the blow fell upon Lourdes. . .